Single Word Sympathy

I have always found the word "condolence" to be a bit puzzling; a reason I have for not using it when expressing sympathy for someone who's dealing with the death of a loved one. To say to that person, "Condolence, (person's name)." somehow feels like giving an incredibly thirsty man hot chocolate to drink; its a nice gesture, but a glass of water would've been more appropriate.


Which is not to say that people who use the word that way are crass and unfeeling. No, I think its not about the feeling behind the usage of the word, but the word itself. For, really, how do you speak to a person who's just lost someone important? What can you say to make it better, more bearable?

Of course, this is not the case among close friends; those who have spent long hours trading stories about their personal lives. At one point in their many conversations, the deceased might have been mentioned at least once, and the sympathetic friend would be able to offer a more specific show of support for the decedent. But to say to someone you barely know, "I'm sorry for your loss" implies understanding of how big the impact of the loss was in that person's life, understanding that comes only with the knowledge of the decedent's life; the kind that is intimate and personal, something that is revealed only to a trusted few.

Perhaps this is why people revert to saying "Condolence" in these situations. Never mind that it should be used in a sentence instead, as in, "You have my condolences." The sentiment remains the same. It's like saying, "You're sad. I get it."

My grandmother died in the wee hours of the morning of March 30, 2011. It was in the middle of the week, and because the wake was to be held in Mindoro, I immediately filed leaves that would last until a day after the weekend. My boss probably sent an email to my team mates because all day and the day after, I received their text messages, and more than once, all it said was "Condolence."


I appreciate every single one. I believe that their messages, no matter what words they used, were sincere efforts. To this day I thank God for these people, who know so little about me, and yet are so kind. But the experience did lead me to ponder the usage of the term in this context. Maybe its just the comparatist in me. I'm not entirely sure myself. I just know its easier to think of these things than to try and understand the implications of a world where my lola no longer exists.